[Peaceful instrumental music]
I am bored.
Bored.
[Impish instrumental music]
What to do today? What to do?
[Seductive instrumental music]
[Seductive instrumental music continues]
Not bad.
Nice fit.
"Here's looking at you, Sam. Play it again."
[Thrilling instrumental music]
[Thrilling instrumental music continues]
[Car crashing]
GARFIELD: San Francisco is a beautiful city.
Cable cars, fog rolling off the bay...
Chinatown, the Golden Gate Bridge, the wharf.
Gee, I wish I lived there.
The dust had to be an inch deep on my desk.
A thick layer of papers was forming around the base of the trashcan.
An empty bottle of milk lay on the floor next to the couch...
where I had a business engagement the night before.
KITTY: Coffee, Sam? GARFIELD: Yeah.
GARFIELD: Kitty wasn't much on keeping an office clean...
but she could make a great cup of coffee.
I still remember the day she came in looking for work.
She wanted to be a secretary.
She had all the requirements: She made a great cup of coffee.
I gave her a job.
That was yesterday.
Being a private dick isn't easy with a name like Sam Spayed.
But I've got all the requirements.
I like babes and bullets.
And I look kind of neat in a trench coat.
KITTY: More coffee, Sam? GARFIELD: No.
[Seductive instrumental music]
GARFIELD: It was a slow day.
The hours seemed to drag by...
like a New York Giants vs. Brooklyn Dodgers double-header.
I decided to get a phone.
As I was leaving the office, I found myself face to face...
with one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen.
Are you Spayed?
[Gulping in surprise]
GARFIELD: I never know how to answer that question.
So what brings you here? And why me?
There are a hundred private investigators in town with better offices than mine.
- Who are you? - My husband was murdered. You're cheap.
Tanya O'Tabby. Will you take the case?
I had to think...
Sure.
GARFIELD: Judging by the way she dressed...
she was obviously tapping some big bucks.
Of course! It all makes sense now.
She marries an old geezer, bumps him off, inherits all the money...
hires a second-rate investigator to find the killer...
who she double-crosses, and ends up scot-free.
GARFIELD: So, how old was your husband, Mrs. O'Tabby?
Twenty-three.
GARFIELD: Of course. It all makes sense now.
Her husband was obviously a ladies'man.
Tanya finds out he's unfaithful and has him snuffed.
She hires a second-rate detective to find the killer...
who she double-crosses, and ends up scot-free.
It's one of the oldest shams in the book.
So what did your husband do for a living, Mrs. O'Tabby?
He was at Saint Morris University, Mr. Spayed.
He was head of the History Department.
GARFIELD: Something wasn't right here.
GARFIELD: Sounds like a pretty tame profession, doll.
Not exactly the job where enemies can be made.
We all have enemies, don't we, Mr. Spayed?
GARFIELD: Call me Sam, please.
Why do you think your husband was murdered?
He drove off Old Mountain Road. Sam, please.
That's 40 miles away. He had no reason to be there.
Besides, he was an excellent driver.
The police say he probably fell asleep at the wheel...
but I just can't believe that.
GARFIELD: Her lips started to tremble.
I took her hands in mine.
Go home, kid. I've got work to do. I'll call you when I've got something.
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Soft jazz music]
[Soft jazz music continues]
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
GARFIELD: Why someone would murder a 23-year-old professor was beyond me.
Maybe he delivered just one too many lectures on the Boxer Rebellion.
Stranger things have happened in this town.
My first stop was the city morgue.
[Suspenseful instrumental music continues]
It was 11:00 a.m.
Walking up the steps to the morgue, I saw my old adversary.
It was Lt. Washington.
Spayed, what brings you down here? Trying to find a client?
Sure, Lieutenant.
He's the one your blue boys shot in the back for jaywalking.
Watch it, Spayed. I still have your license under investigation.
Oh, yeah? Well, at least I know it's safe for a while.
- Spayed, don't push me. - Wouldn't dream of it, Lieutenant.
GARFIELD: Have a nice day.
The Lieutenant was still saying goodbyes as I walked into the morgue.
I spotted the coroner Burt Fleebish.
Spayed, what brings you down here?
Hey, Burt, I need to see a body.
Who doesn't, Sam?
[Snickering]
What's the name?
Professor O'Tabby.
Yeah, tough break. Nice fella.
- You knew him? - Not really.
My kid attended Saint Morris and had his class.
BURT: Really liked him, too.
Except for his lectures about the Boxer Rebellion.
GARFIELD: I could tell Burt liked the guy...
by the way he pulled out the drawer with the stiff.
O'Tabby looked like he'd been worked over by the maulers of the midway.
It didn't surprise me.
When's the autopsy scheduled, Burt?
Autopsy? What autopsy?
- His wife thinks it was murder, Burt. - Murder?
[Snickering]
Sam, the man died in a disastrous car accident.
GARFIELD: Looking at O'Tabby, I noticed some yellowish-brown coloration...
on his chest and stomach hairs.
Do you have any explanation for this?
Any kind of fluid from a car can make a stain like that.
Do you have his clothes and any items he had on him when he was discovered?
Sure, Sam. Right here.
GARFIELD: I searched the clothing looking for anything that might suggest murder.
Right now, it looked as though O'Tabby had just had a bad break on the mountain.
Hs shirt was about the only item of clothing that was still recognizable.
I noticed the yellowish-brown stains were in the same location on the shirt...
that they were on the body.
I had seen stains like this before, but where?
Maybe something would come to me later.
There was a curious little stone in the shirt pocket.
It was very a colorful stone on one side...
almost as though it were painted.
[Phone ringing]
I'll be right back, Sam.
Sure, that's what my ex-wife said.
GARFIELD: Burt went to answer the phone, I put the colorful stone in my pocket.
I don't know why, really. Maybe I just liked stones.
Is there anything else you need, Sam?
A clue, a motive, and a murderer.
Good night, Burt.
- Sam. - Yeah, Burt?
It's noon.
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
GARFIELD: It took me an hour to drive to the scene of the accident.
I didn't know what I'd find there, but what the heck...
I'd at least get a breath of fresh air.
And I could put the car on the expense account.
It looked like I wasn't the only one who had that idea.
GARFIELD: Taking a nature walk, Tanya?
Sam, you startled me.
GARFIELD: I was trying to keep my mind on business...
but I couldn't help but notice the lovely view.
One word of advice, sweetheart.
It's not smart to return to the scene of the crime.
I was hoping to find a reason for my husband being here...
last Friday night.
- Like, what kind of reason? - I don't know. A clue of some kind.
I'd understand if you were here to cover up your tracks.
Are you saying I murdered my husband?
Nothing personal.
Oh, Sam!
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Tanya crying]
GARFIELD: I hate when they do this.
I stood there, Tanya 's mascara dripping on my wingtips...
and me an hour from the nearest pot of coffee.
GARFIELD: Come on, Tanya, let's find a diner.
[Ominous instrumental music]
[Soothing blues music]
Why do you suspect me of murdering my husband?
I suspect everybody, baby.
GARFIELD: Here's a list of suspects I've put together so far.
Sam, your name's on this list.
I don't remember where I was last Friday night, Tanya.
Therefore I don't have an alibi.
I've even been tailing myself for the past three days.
- That's sad. - What's sad?
You must be a very lonely man, Sam Spayed.
You could fix that, Tanya.
What are you trying to tell me, Sam?
Do I have to spell it out?
Give it a shot.
Y-O-U C-O-U...
There's a lot about me you don't know, Sam.
I know you're great looking and you dress nice.
But what if I did murder my husband?
What would you think of me then?
I'd wait for you to get out of prison, baby.
It's not like my social calendar is exactly packed.
How long can a murder sentence be, 30, maybe 40 years?
GARFIELD: I'll get it.
[Dramatic instrumental music]
GARFIELD: The classiest dame I ever met just walked out of my heart...
but not out of my case.
Next on the list was O'Tabby's office at the university.
I was a couple of blocks from the campus...
when I brushed by a big goon on the sidewalk.
He had fists the size of babies.
[Upbeat instrumental music]
He drug me into a darkened alley and pounded me into next year.
[Punching sounds]
[Garfield groaning]
GARFIELD: As I lay there in a crumpled heap, I smiled to myself.
I must be on the trail of something hot to rate a beating from this Neanderthal.
I put my jaw back in place and pointed an accusing paw at my assailant.
So, I suppose you have a message for me?
Yeah, I'm your landlord.
- You're two months late with the rent. - Right.
GARFIELD: I was figuring out my landlord's involvement in this caper...
as I walked up the marble steps to the History building.
[Peaceful instrumental music]
[Doorbell ringing]
Are you in charge around here?
Yes. I'm Professor O'Felix. How may I help you?
I'm Sam Spayed, PI.
O' FELIX: Nice wallet, Mr. PI.
I'd like to ask you a few questions about Professor O'Tabby.
Yes, what a shame.
Poor fellow must have fallen asleep at the wheel.
Such a waste.
I really don't know how I can help you.
But I'll be glad to answer any questions you have.
GARFIELD: Nice guy.
He led me to his office and poured us a cup of coffee.
I would have preferred my own cup.
O' FELIX: Now, what would you like to know, Mr. PI?
Call me Sam. Sam Spayed.
Was O'Tabby in any kind of trouble that you know of?
No. No trouble.
Professor O'Tabby was a solid citizen.
He was well respected by the faculty and his students.
Besides, I don't know much about his personal life.
Perhaps you should talk to his wife.
His wife? Yeah, I've talked to her.
According to the time of death...
you must have been one of the last people to see Professor O'Tabby alive.
Any idea what he was doing up on Old Mountain Road last Friday night?
Yes, that much I do know.
He was going to visit Maudie O'Purr, a Saint Morris alumna.
Why was he going there?
Maudie is a big contributor to the university.
Especially to the History Department.
Professor O'Tabby called on her every Friday night...
to help her in any way he could.
You see, she's a widow.
It was Maudie's wish that no one know of his visits.
She was a bit eccentric in that regard.
GARFIELD: Of course, it all made sense now.
O'Tabby, under the guise of visiting a benefactress to the university...
was in fact having a clandestine affair with a wealthy widow.
How old is Maudie O'Purr?
- Ninety-three. - Rats.
Mr. Spayed, I didn't mean to insinuate anything by my statement.
It's just that, on more than one occasion...
Professor O'Tabby had to put a woman's feelings in perspective.
You see, he was a handsome man, and quite popular with the ladies.
So you don't think he ever gave in to temptation?
No. His only weakness was coffee.
I rarely saw him without a cup of it in his hand.
I think we all depend on a cup of joe every now and then.
Thanks for the information, and no offense intended...
but this is really lousy coffee.
Yes, I admit my coffee needs work, Sam.
The lady that normally made our coffee left us recently.
She made excellent coffee. She's going to be hard to replace.
In fact, I've had to pick up her chores in addition to my own duties.
Work on that coffee.
GARFIELD: By the time I arrived at the office...
the men from the phone company had just installed my phone.
Kitty was in the other room.
KITTY: No calls yet, Sam.
How about a cup of coffee?
You read my mind, sweetheart.
Kitty, do we have Tanya's phone number?
KITTY: Klondike 5-1234, Sam.
Thanks.
GARFIELD: The girl might not be a good office cleaner, but she has a great memory.
But why didn't I remember that number? It sure is an easy one to remember.
Hello, Tanya, Sam Spayed.
Mr. Spayed, what did you find out?
I stopped by your husband's office today and found out a few interesting things.
Really? Who did you talk with?
GARFIELD: A Professor O'Felix. Do you know him?
Professor O'Felix was my husband's assistant.
Kind of old to be an assistant, isn't he?
We really never thought of him as an assistant.
He worked as hard as my husband with the students.
He's been with the university all his life.
In fact, he was my husband's instructor.
TANYA: It was he who inspired my husband...
to go into the teaching profession.
Well, that's nice.
Tanya, he mentioned your husband may have been tangled up...
with some woman.
Gosh, that's hot.
Sam? Hello, Sam, are you okay?
Look, Tanya, I'll call you back. I got a bit of a mess right now.
Sam, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking about.
It's okay, Kitty.
Run and tell Maintenance we need a mop and a bucket.
I'll pick up the pieces of the mug.
GARFIELD: The coffee in the lap gave a literal meaning to my last name.
I went to the sink to clean up.
As I took off my jacket, I saw a huge coffee stain covering my shirt.
Wait a minute. Coffee stains! That's what they were.
O'Tabby had coffee stains on his shirt.
Why would a man that was dressed as impeccably as O'Tabby...
wear a coffee-stained shirt?
Where did the coffee come from?
And why am I talking to myself?
I searched my pockets for the pretty painted stone...
I took from O'Tabby's shirt pocket.
I looked at it carefully. It was painted, all right.
A painted piece of ceramic.
A piece of ceramic from a coffee cup.
O'Tabby must have been drinking coffee which in turn caused the accident.
It wasn't much to go on.
How was I supposed to solve a murder when my only clue was a cup of java?
What was keeping Kitty?
I figured I'd better call Tanya to apologize for the interruption...
and get back to the case.
Where did I put Tanya 's phone number?
Wait a minute.
Tanya never gave me a phone number.
So how did Kitty know the number?
Easy, Spayed, don't go off the deep end.
But the pieces were starting to fit together.
Kitty would know the number if Tanya 's husband gave it to her.
Could she be our lady who was infatuated with Professor O'Tabby?
Think, Spayed, think.
Of course, she spilled the coffee when I mentioned talking to Professor O'Felix...
about O'Tabby's woman trouble.
Kitty makes a great cup of coffee.
So did the girl who recently left the university.
The same girl I hired only yesterday.
A girl who was infatuated by a man she could never have.
So what does she do?
Of course.
She spills coffee in his lap and pushes him over a cliff.
Wait a minute. Something's not quite right here.
Here's Maintenance, Sam.
I know you murdered Professor O'Tabby, Kitty.
What are you talking about, Sam?
You loved him. He didn't love you. So you snuffed him.
Yes! I loved him.
He didn't love me. I couldn't have him.
- So l... - So you what?
- So I left. - You left?
[Solemn instrumental music]
Yes. The thought of working at the university, so close to him...
and not being able to have him was too much to bear.
So I left.
But I didn't murder him.
[Yawning]
GARFIELD: The tears were streaming down and falling like rain off a pine tree.
But the coffee stains, the painted piece of ceramic cup.
He always drank from his favorite mug, Sam.
This looks like a piece from that mug.
I don't know how it got broke.
GARFIELD: I just ran out of suspects.
Kitty, did you have any duties in the office other than making coffee?
I was Professor O'Tabby's girl Friday.
I sorted his mail, answered the phone, kept his appointment calendar...
filled his prescriptions, sharpened his pencils...
Wait a minute. Filled his prescriptions?
Yes. Professor O'Tabby was an insomniac.
The coffee kept him awake.
He needed very potent sleeping pills to help him doze off at night.
I remember him bragging...
one of those pills could knock out a bull elephant.
It took two of them to put him to sleep and that took an hour.
Kitty, stay here and help Maintenance clean up this mess.
Where are you going, Sam?
To pick up a murderer, baby.
[Dramatic instrumental music]
GARFIELD: Nice touch.
GARFIELD: I found Professor O'Felix in the university chapel.
[Organs playing softly]
Asking for forgiveness, Professor?
For what it's worth, Mr. Spayed...
I just didn't have anything to lose.
Let's go.
[Soft jazz music]
GARFIELD: By the time the paperwork was done, it was 8:00 p.m.
Lt. Washington was his usual charming self...
as O'Felix was being booked.
It had been a long day.
I thought I'd better check in on Kitty. She was pretty shaken up when I left.
I entered my office and found Tanya O'Tabby sitting on the couch.
She stood up sobbing, and gently put her arms around me.
She didn't say anything.
She didn't have to. I understood.
I don't understand. I saw you following me today.
I wanted to make sure you were on the right track.
Thanks for the hint.
I knew a sharp guy like you would figure it out.
Look, you big lug...
why don't you cut the tough guy act and give me a smile for once?
- How's this? - That's better.
Now let's talk about you and me, baby.
It wouldn't work, Sam. We're different.
That's the part I like.
Face it, Sam. In any other time, in any other place...
we might have had something, you and me.
Yeah, I guess you're right, Tanya.
You're a sophisticated lady, and I'm just a working stiff.
- You like hot dogs, and I like caviar. - Yeah.
I'm refined, and you're a slob.
- I'm first-class, and you're coach. - I get the point, Tanya.
But you're still all man, Sam.
I really wish it could have worked out.
I'll never forget you, Tanya.
Goodbye, Sam.
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
[Sirens wailing]
She called after you'd left.
I told her you were going to nab the murderer.
She came right over.
GARFIELD: I didn't answer.
My thoughts were still in the arms of a classy babe.
There had better be a check in that envelope.
Sam, how did you know O'Felix killed Professor O'Tabby?
Elementary, Kitty.
GARFIELD: O'Tabby had to have left directly from the campus...
to call on Maudie O'Purr that night...
because he was still drinking from his favorite mug when the crash occurred.
Professor O'Felix, the substitute girl Friday...
fixed that cup of coffee.
O'Felix had filled O'Tabby's sleeping pill prescription...
and popped a couple into his coffee, knowing it'd take O'Tabby an hour...
to get to Old Mountain Road, 40 miles away.
Like clockwork, the pills took effect...
and O'Tabby drove off the road to his death.
The police were right. O'Tabby did fall asleep at the wheel...
thanks to some help from his assistant.
- The motive is obvious. - Which was?
It was the old "power struggle in the university" routine, Kitty.
Old man gets passed over by younger man.
Young man gets power, respect, glory.
Old man gets older, bitter.
Finally, in desperation, the old man gets rid of the one thing in his way:
The young man.
With O'Tabby gone, O'Felix becomes the department head...
and gets what has eluded him all his life.
KITTY: Sam, you're simply too much.
[Seductive instrumental music]
What's the milk for, Kitty?
You ask too many questions, Sam.
Garfield, what are you doing in there?
Getting ready to roll the credits, pal.
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
[Soft jazz music]
[Soft jazz music continues]