(BELL TOLLING)
-(DOG BARKING) -(CARRIAGE APPROACHING)
(HORSE WHINNIES, NEIGHS)
You know, Daddy, this is my very best birthday.
But I haven`t given you your present yet.
-What is it? What is it? -(CHUCKLES) Now, close your eyes.
Oh, oh, oh... Oh, now...
-No peeking now. -(GIGGLING)
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS) -(GASPING)
Oh, Daddy!
You made this just for me?
(PANTING)
(FIENDISH CACKLING)
You`re the most wonderful father in the whole world!
(RATTLING)
-(CHILD GASPS) Who is that? -I... I don`t know!
Quickly, dear, stay in here and don`t come out.
(CACKLING)
(GRUNTING, STRUGGLING)
(STRUGGLING CONTINUES)
(GLASS BREAKS)
-MAN: I got you, toy maker! -MAN 2: Oh, no! Olivia!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(CREAKING)
Daddy, where are you?
Daddy,
where are you?
Daddy!
MAN: lt was the eve of our good queen`s Diamond jubilee,
and the year Her Majesty`s government came to the very brink of disaster.
she... (CHUCKLES)
l... l... l`m getting ahead of myself.
My name is Dr. David Q. Dawson,
most recently of the queen`s 66th Regiment.
(HORSE NEIGHS)
I had just arrived in London after lengthy service in Afghanistan,
(THUNDERING)
and was anxious to find a quiet place,
(CHUCKLES) preferably dry, hmm...
where l could rest and find a bit of peace.
Little did l know
that my life was about to change forever.
(SNIFFLING)
(SOBBING)
Oh! Oh, my!
(SNIFFLING, SOBBING)
-DAWSON: Are you all right, my dear? -(SNIFFLING)
Come now, come, come, come. Here, here, dry your eyes.
-(SNIFFLES) -Ah, yes. Ah, that`s better.
Now, tell me, what`s troubling you, my dear?
I... I`m lost.
I... I... I`m trying to find Basil of Baker Street.
Well, let me see here.
``Famous detective solves baffling disappearance.``
Mmm-hmm. Uh, but, uh...
Where are your mother and father?
(SOBBING) That`s why I must find Basil.
There, there, there, there. Now, now, now, now.
Well, now, I don`t know any Basil.
But I do remember where Baker Street is.
-Now, come with me. -(THUNDERING)
We`ll find this Basil chap together.
VIOLIN PLAYS)
Good evening, madam. Is this the residence of Basil of Baker Street?
I`m afraid it is.
He`s not here at the moment, but you`re welcome to come in and wait.
Oh, I... I don`t want to impose.
It`s... it`s just, the girl...
Oh, my!
You poor dear! You must be chilled to the bone!
(CHUCKLING) Oh. But I knowjust the thing.
Let me fetch you a pot of tea and some of my fresh cheese crumpets.
(PUFFING)
A-ha! The villain`s slipped this time! I shall have him!
-(THUNDERING) -Out of my way! Out of my way!
I say... Oh!
-Who are you? -What? Oh.
Basil of Baker Street, my good fellow.
-Mr. Basil, I need your help. And... -All in good time.
But you don`t understand. I`m in terrible trouble.
If you`ll excuse me.
-(SIGHS) -(BASIL HUMMING)
Now... Now see here!
This young lady is in need of assistance.
-I think you ought to listen... -Hold this, please, doctor.
Of course.
-(STAMMERING) -(BASIL HUMMING)
Wait just a moment. How did you know I was a doctor?
A surgeon, to be exact.
Just returned from military duty in Afghanistan, am I right?
Why... (CHUCKLES) Oh, yes. Major David Q. Dawson.
-Uh... But how could you possibly... -Quite simple, really.
You`ve sewn your torn cuff together with a Lembert stitch,
which, of course, only a surgeon uses.
And the thread is a unique form of catgut
easily distinguished by its peculiar pungency,
found only in the Afghan provinces.
-Amazing! -Actually,
it`s elementary, my dear Dawson.
(GUN COCKING)
(GUNSHOT)
(BLOWS)
What in heaven`s name?
Oh! Oh... My... (SPITS)
My good pillows.
Mr. Basil! (spits)
-How many times have I told you... -Mrs. Judson, it`s quite all right.
Uh... (SNIFFS) Mmm.
I believe I smell some of those delightful cheese crumpets of yours.
-Why don`t you fetch our guests some? -But... (STAMMERING)
Now,
I know that bullet`s here somewhere.
-Thank you, Miss... -Flaversham. Olivia Flaversham.
-Whatever. -Yes, but you don`t understand.
(SOFTLY) Yes.
Yes!
No!
Drat!
Another dead end.
He was within my grasp.
(STRINGS TWANGING)
(PLAYING VIOLIN)
Now, will you please listen to me?
My daddy`s gone, and I`m all alone.
Young lady, this is a most inopportune time.
Surely your mother knows where he is.
I... I don`t have a mother.
VIOLIN SCREECHES)
Well... Um...
Then perhaps...
See here, I simply have no time for lost fathers.
I didn`t lose him. He was taken by a bat.
-Did you say bat? -(stuttering) Yes.
-Did he have a crippled wing? -I don`t know, but he had a peg leg!
I say, do you know him?
Know him? That bat, one Fidget, by name,
is in the employ of the very fiend who was the target of my experiment!
The horror of my every waking moment. The nefarious Professor Ratigan!
(THUNDERING)
-Uh... Ratigan? -He`s a genius, Dawson.
A genius twisted for evil.
-The Napoleon of crime. -(THUNDERING)
-As bad as all that, eh? -Worse!
For years, I`ve tried to capture him, and I`ve come close, so very close.
But each time, he`s narrowly evaded my grasp.
Not a corner of London`s safe while Ratigan`s at large.
There`s no evil scheme he wouldn`t concoct!
No depravity he wouldn`t commit.
who knows what dastardly scheme
that villain may be plotting, even as we speak?
(RATTLING, POPPING)
(GEARS GRINDING)
(CHUCKLING)
Quite an ingenious scheme, eh, Flaversham?
And aren`t you proud to be a part of it?
This whole thing is... It... it`s monstrous.
RATIGAN: We will have our little device ready by tomorrow evening, won`t we?
You know what will happen if you fail.
(BELL RINGS)
I... I... I don`t care!
(POPPING, RATTLING)
(SPUTTERING)
You can do what you want with me. I won`t be a part of this... this...
-...this evil any longer. -(EXHALES SLOWLY)
Very well, if that is your decision. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, uh, by the way,
I`m taking the liberty of having your daughter brought here.
-(GASPS) Olivia? -Yes. Yes.
-Yes. (CHUCKLES) Yes. -(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)
I would spend many a sleepless night
if anything unfortunate were to befall her.
-(CHUCKLES) -FLAVERSHAM: You... you wouldn`t.
(SQUEAKING)
Finish it, Flaversham!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(HUMMING)
Oh, I love it when I`m nasty.
-(grumbling) -Fidget.
(SNORING, CHUCKLING)
Fidget!
Bright and alert as always.
Here`s the list. You know what to do, and no mistakes!
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) No mistakes, sir.
``Tools, gears, girl, uniforms...``
-Now, Fidget! -I`m going! I`m going! I`m going!
(CREAKING)
(INDISTINCT CHEERING)
(CLAPPING)
My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious,
the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career.
A crime to top all crimes. A crime that will live in infamy!
(ALL CHEER AND CLAP)
Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch
celebrates her Diamond Jubilee.
And with the enthusiastic help of our good friend, Mr. Flaversham,
(SNICKERING)
it promises to be a night she will never forget.
Her last night, and my first
as supreme ruler of all mousedom!
(ALL CHEER)
(CHUCKLES)
From the brain that brought you the Big Ben caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge job
That cunning display that made Londoners sob
Now comes the real tour de force
Tricky and wicked, of course
My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I`m at it again
An even grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain
Even meaner?
You mean it?
worse than the widows and orphans you drowned
You`re the best of the worst around
oh, Ratigan
The rest fall behind
To Ratigan
The world`s greatest criminal mind
Thank you, thank you.
But it hasn`t all been champagne and caviar.
I`ve had my share of adversity,
thanks to that miserable second-rate detective,
-Basil of Baker Street. -(ALL BOOING)
For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans.
I haven`t had a moment`s peace of mind.
ALL: Aww...
(SNIFFLING, SOBBING)
But all that`s in the past!
This time nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way!
All will bow before me!
oh, Ratigan
You`re tops and that`s that
To Ratigan
To Ratigan, the world`s greatest rat
-(HICCUPS) -(GASPS, COUGHS)
-(ALL GASPING) -What was that?
-(HICCUPS) -What did you call me?
-He didn`t mean it, professor. -It was just a slip of the tongue.
I am not a rat!
-`Course you`re not. You`re a mouse! -That`s right. A mouse.
-Yeah, a big mouse. -Silence!
Oh, my dear Bartholomew,
I`m afraid that you`ve gone and upset me.
You know what happens when someone upsets me.
(ALL SHUDDERING)
-(BELL RINGS) -(ALL GASP)
(DRUNKENLY) Oh, Ratigan
oh, Ratigan
You`re the tops and that`s that
(HICCUPS) Oh, dear.
To Ratigan
-To Ratigan -(MOANING)
The world`s greatest...
-(GULPING) -(GASPING)
(CAT SMACKING, MEOWING)
(SNIFFLES)
Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby.
Did Daddy`s little honey bun enjoy her tasty treat?
(BURPS)
I trust there will be no further interruptions.
(MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)
(CLEARS THROAT) And now, as you were singing...
(GASPING)
Even louder
we`ll shout it
No one can doubt what we know you can do
-(LAUGHING) -You`re more evil than even you
oh, Ratigan
-oh, Ratigan -Ah...
You`re one of a kind -(RATIGAN LAUGHING)
To Ratigan To Ratigan
Hey.
The world`s greatest criminal
Mind
(THUNDERING)
BASIL: This case is most intriguing
with its multiplicity of elements, its many twists and turns.
Now, you`re certain you`ve told me everything?
The slightest detail may be important.
It`s just as I said. And then my father was gone.
What do you make of it?
Ratigan`s up to something.
A crime of the most sinister nature, no doubt.
The question is... What would he want with a toymaker?
-(THUNDERING) -(SCREAMS)
Quickly, we`ve not a moment to lose!
(STUTTERING) I`m right behind you, Basil.
No... No sign of the blackguard anywhere.
Not quite, Dawson. He left some rather unusual footprints.
They belong to the same fiend who abducted the girl`s father.
-Ratigan`s peg-legged lackey. -Uh... Basil?
A-ha!
Excellent work, old man. (LAUGHS)
Now there`s nothing to be afraid of, my dear.
-The scoundrel`s quite gone. -But not for long, Miss Flamhammer.
-Flaversham! -Whatever. Now...
We simply pursue our peg-legged friend
until he leads us to the girl`s father.
-Then you`ll get my daddy back? -Yes!
And quite soon, if I`m not mistaken.
Now, hurry along, Dawson.
We must be off to Toby`s.
-Toby`s? -Oh, you must meet him.
-He`s just the chap for this. -You... You want me to come?
I should think a stout-hearted army mouse like you
would leap at the chance for adventure.
-Well, I am rather curious. -Wait for me! I`m coming too!
What? Certainly not! This is no business for children.
-Are we going to take a cab? -(SIGHING)
My dear, I don`t think you understand.
-It will be quite dangerous. -(CRUNCHING, STRINGS TWANG)
Oh! Why, you... Look what...
(INHALES SHARPLY, GROANS)
Young lady, you are most definitely not accompanying us.
And that is final!
And not a word out of you.
-Is that clear? I... -Shh!
MAN: I observe that there`s a good deal of German music on the program.
It is introspective, and I want to introspect.
MAN 2: But, Holmes, that music is so frightfully dull.
HOLMES: Come on.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Toby?
(WHISPERING) Who is Toby?
Well, my dear, Toby is, uh...
Well, he`s, uh...
-I say, Basil, who is this Toby chap? -(RUMBLING)
-Ah! Here he is now. -(PANTING)
-Dawson, Toby. -(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
Charmed, I`m sure.
(GROWLING)
Now, Toby, stop that! Toby, cease! Desist!
Frightfully sorry, old man.
He has the most splendid sense of smell of any hound I`ve trained.
-But he can be deucedly frisky. -(sniffing)
-Hello, Toby! -(sniffing)
(GIGGLES) Silly doggy!
Would you like a crumpet?
Now, Toby? To the matter at hand.
I want you to...
-(GIGGLING) -(BASIL WHISTLES)
(CLEARING THROAT)
Good, now, Toby...
Toby...
-I want you to find this fiend. -(GROWLING)
Yes, you know his type. A villain.
A scoundrel! (SNARLING)
Low brow. Close-set eyes. Broken wing.
He`s a peg-legged bat with a broken wing.
-(GROWLING) -Yes! That`s the spirit!
Got his scent? Good boy! Good boy! (CHUCKLES)
-Miss Flamchester! -(BOTH) Flaversham!
Whatever. Your father is as good as found.
Toby,
sic `em!
A-ha! Yoinks! Tally-ho!
(BASIL LAUGHING)
(SNIFFING)
(HOWLING, BARKING)
The thrill of the hunt, eh, Dawson?
A-ha! (STUTTERING) Quite!
Hoo-hoo! Our peg-legged quarry can`t be far now.
(GRUNTING)
``Get the following.
``Tools.`` Check. I got tools. ``Gears.`` Double-check. I got gears.
``Girl.`` No, didn`t get girl. ``Uniforms.``
(CHUCKLES) I got plenty uniforms.
-(HOWLING) -Oh, no. I gotta hide. I gotta hide.
I gotta hide!
(TOBY HOWLS)
Splendid job, Toby!
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTS)
Now, Toby, sit.
-Toby, sit. -Sit, Toby.
Good boy. If you`ll excuse me.
You be good now.
We`re going to find my father.
Here is our friend`s entrance.
But, Basil, how could he fit in through such a tiny...
Observe, doctor.
Basil, you astound me!
Shh.
Oh. I... I beg your pardon...
Oh, my.
Upon my word, I`ve never seen so many toys.
Behind any of which could lurk a bloodthirsty assassin.
So please, doctor, be very careful.
(CREAKING)
(MARCHING BAND MUSIC PLAYS)
(STAMMERING) Oh!
Please!
(WHISPERS) Quiet.
(WHISPERING) Don`t let this girl out of your sight.
(WHISPERING) Now, Olivia, dear, stay close.
Hmm...
Checkmate.
A-ha!
Evidence of our peg-legged adversary.
Mmm-hmm. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
-Hmm. How very odd. -What is it, Basil?
Isn`t it painfully obvious, doctor?
These dolls have been stripped of their uniforms.
And not by any child, either.
(GASPS) Hello.
Someone has taken the liberty
of removing the clockwork mechanisms from these toys.
-Basil. -Please, I`m trying to concentrate.
-But Basil, I... -(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)
(BARKS)
VIOLIN PLAYING)
(GEARS CLICKING)
(JACK-IN-THE-BOX LAUGHS)
-(GEARS CLICKING) -(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
-(GROWLS) -(OLIVIA SCREAMS)
-Olivia! -Gotcha! (LAUGHS)
Quickly, doctor!
(HOLLERING) Look out!
(CREAKING)
-(GRUNTING, LAUGHS) -(GEARS WHIRRING)
(MARCHING BAND MUSIC PLAYS)
(LAUGHING) Bye-bye. Bye-bye!
(GROWLING, BARKING)
(RINGING)
Stop, you fiend!
-(CACKLING) -(OLIVIA GRUNTS)
(MUFFLED) Help! Uncle Basil, help!
I got the gears, I got the tools I got the uniforms
I got the girl
(LAUGHS TO MELODY)
Basil! Basil!
GIRL: Mama, Mama.
-Mama. -(GRUNTING)
-Basil! Olivia... Olivia, she`s... -DOLL: Mama.
-Yes! She`s gone, Dawson! -Mama.
-Confound it! -DOLL: Mama.
-I told you to watch over the girl. -DOLL: Mama.
(BASIL GRUNTS)
Now she`s been spirited away by that maniacal little monster.
Soon to be in the clutches of the most depraved mind in all of London!
I should have known better than to...
Than to...
Eh... I... Uh... Dawson?
Dawson?
I say, Dawson, old chap?
Oh. Uh... Poor girl. (SNIFFLES) I should have watched her more closely.
Don`t worry, old fellow.
It`s not entirely hopeless.
-We`ll get her back. -(SNIFFLES)
Do... Do you think there`s a chance?
There`s always a chance, doctor,
as long as one can think.
(SNIFFING) Mmm.
``Get the following.
-``Tools, gears...`` -BASIL: What?
-``...girl...`` -``Get the...``
Dawson, you`ve done it!
This list is precisely what we need.
-What? -Quickly, back to Baker Street.
Mr. Flaversham...
(SNICKERING)
Allow me to present your charming daughter.
-Olivia! -Father!
-(GRUNTS) -Ow! My foot! My only foot!
Oh, Father! (SNIFFLING) I thought I`d never find you.
There, there, my bairn. I`m all right.
I was so worried about my little girl.
(FEIGNS SNIFFLING) Oh, how sweet.
Oh, I just love tearful reunions.
-Now, come along, my dear. -Oh, please! Please!
-Olivia! Oh, please, professor! -Father!
Now, now...
Fidget will take good care of her.
That is, as long as we have no further delays.
Yes, yes, I`ll finish it. Oh, just don`t hurt my daughter.
Remember, it must be ready tonight.
-(HUMMING) -Stop! Let me go!
You ugly old thing!
-That ought to hold you! -Help! Let me out! Let me out!
See how you like that.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Ah, the uniforms. Fidget, I knew I could rely on you.
Now, you didn`t forget anything?
(LAUGHS) No problem.
I took care of everything. Everything on the list.
Uh-oh.
-What`s wrong? -The list, I know...
-Where is the list? -The list, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You see, it was like this.
I was in the toy store getting uniforms when I heard...
-You`re not coming through. -(PANTING)
A dog came. I ran.
I had baby bonnet, girl in bag and Basil chased me.
What? Basil on the case!
Why you gibbering little...
(GASPING, GRUNTING, GROANING)
(CHUCKLES, INHALES DEEPLY)
Oh, my dear Fidget. You have been hanging upside down too long.
You mean, you`re not mad? I`m glad you`re taking it so well.
(BELL RINGING)
(FIDGET SCREAMS)
Not me, you idiot. No, stop you stupid fur ball!
(MUFFLED) Open up! Open up! Oh! Ay! Ah! You`re hurting my wings!
How dare that idiot Basil poke his nose into my scheme and foul up everything!
FIDGET: Let me out! Let me out!
Help...
I can just see that insufferable grin on his smug face.
(FIDGET STRUGGLING)
Yes, yes, I can just see it.
(SNICKERING)
-Felicia, release him. -FIDGET: I`m too young to die!
(GRUNTS)
Fidget, you delightful little maniac.
You`ve presented me with a singular opportunity.
(THUMPS)
Poor Basil! Oh, he is in for a little surprise.
(SNICKERS)
Offhand, I can deduce very little.
Only that the words are written with a broad-pointed quill pen
which has spattered, twice. That the paper is of
native Mongolian manufacture, no watermark.
And has been gummed, if I`m not in error
(SNIFFS)
by a bat who has been drinking Rodent`s Delight,
a cheap brandy sold only in the seediest pubs.
-Hmm. Amazing. -Oh, not really, doctor.
We still don`t know where it came from.
Perhaps a closer inspection will tell us something.
Mmm-hmm. Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Coal dust.
Clearly of the type used in sewer lamps.
-But Basil... -Shh. Don`t speak!
Excuse me, Dawson.
Steady hand.
(BUBBLING)
-(BUBBLING RAPIDLY) -Yes. Yes. Good.
Come along, come along, come along, come along, come along.
(LAUGHS) Yes, yes. Good, good. Mmm.
No, bad. Good, good. Go, yeah. Come along. Come along, come on.
Don`t go back up. Yes. Come along. Come on.
Yes... Yes!
(CHORTLES) We`ve done it, old fellow!
This reaction could only have been triggered
by the paper`s extreme saturation with distillation of sodium chloride.
Salt water? Great Scott.
It proves, beyond a doubt,
this list came from the riverfront area.
Now, steady on there, Basil.
No, no. Elementary, my dear Dawson.
We merely look for a seedy pub at the only spot
where the sewer connects to the waterfront.
-(dock creaks) -(Basil whispering) Stay, Toby. Stay.
DAWSON: Basil?
-Come, come, Dawson. -I feel utterly ridiculous.
BASIL: Don`t be absurd. You look perfect.
-Perfect? Perfectly foolish. -Shh, shh, shh, shh.
-(PIANO PLAYING) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MEN GRUMBLING, MURMURING)
(GRUNTS)
Dawson,
stay close and do as I do.
(GASPS)
Oh, I do beg your pardon, madam. Quite unintentional
(COUGHING) I assure you.
-(LAUGHING) -(DAWSON CONTINUES COUGHING)
How impertinent!
Remember, we`re low-life ruffians.
I was until that...
Shh, shh.
-(CLAPPING) -(CROWD BOOING)
Get off, you eight-legged bum!
What`s your pleasure, mates?
(STAMMERING) I`ll have a dry sherry with, uh... Oh, perhaps a twist of...
(STIFLED GRUNT)
(GRUFFLY) Two pints for me and my shipmate.
Oh, by the way, we just got into port.
We`re looking for an old friend of mine.
Maybe you know him.
Goes by the name of Ratigan!
-(GASPS) -(ALL INHALE SHARPLY)
I... uh... never heard of him.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
MAN: Boo!
(ALL BOOING)
(MEN LAUGHING)
Dearest friends dear gentlemen
Listen to my song
Life down here`s been hard for you
Life has made you strong
Let me lift the mood
with my attitude
Hey, fellas
The time is right
Get ready
Tonight`s the night
Boys, what you`re hoping for will come true
Let me be good to you
You tough guys
You`re feeling all alone
You rough guys
The best o` you sailors and bums
All o` my chums
so dream on
And drink your beer
Get cozy
Your baby`s here
You won`t be misunderstood
Let me be good to you
Hey, fellas
-I`ll take off all my blues -(MEN WHOOPING)
Hey, fellas
There`s nothing I won`t do
just for you
-(UP-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES) -(MEN WHOOPING, WHISTLING)
There you are, boys. It`s, uh... on the house.
I say, how very generous.
Dawson,
these drinks have been drugged.
(DRUNKENLY) Has a rather nice bite to it.
(GIGGLES)
Jolly good, ladies. Jolly good.
Dawson, get a hold of yourself.
Oh, bravo! Bravo!
(PEG-LEG THUDDING)
-(FEMALE SINGING) so dream on -Whoops!
-And drink your beer -(GRUNTING)
BASIL: If it isn`t our peg-legged friend.
Dawson... Oh, what luck!
Dawson? Dawson!
Your baby`s gonna come through
Let me be good
To you
(GIGGLES)
(CRASHING)
Yeah!
(MEN CHATTERING, LAUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
(SQUEALS)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
-(GUNSHOT) -(GLASS BREAKING)
-Dawson. Dawson! -What? Wha... What!
-What in heaven`s name is going on? -I`ve spotted our peg-legged...
Come on, old fellow. There`s not a moment to lose.
-(ALL SHOUTING) -(GUNSHOT)
(FIDGET HUMMING)
(GRUNTING)
Let me be good to you
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
so dream on and drink your beer
-Your baby`s here -(Dawson) Basil?
Basil?
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
(WHISPERS) Follow me.
DAWSON: Great Scott. I can`t see a thing.
BASIL: Grab my coat and follow along. No, no, no, not that way.
Dawson, look out for your...
-(metal clangs) -(Dawson) Ow! Confound it!
Do you have any idea where we`re going?
BASIL: But of course. Left turn.
Right turn here, doctor.
(CREAKING)
A-ha! Dawson! We found it! Ratigan`s secret lair.
And it`s filthier than I imagined.
-(GASPING) -BASIL: Dawson, the bottle!
-(STRAINING) It`s stuck. -Olivia?
(SMOOCH)
(MEN SHOUTING) Surprise!
-(CLAPPING) -(MEN LAUGH)
Bravo! Bravo!
A marvelous performance.
(CHUCKLING)
Though, frankly, I expected you 1 5 minutes earlier.
Trouble with the chemistry set, old boy?
(MEN LAUGH)
Ratigan, no one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you`re a slimy, contemptible sewer rat.
(MEN GASP)
(CHUCKLES)
By the way, Basil, I just love your disguise.
(MEN LAUGH)
Really, one would hardly recognize you.
(CHUCKLES)
The greatest... (STIFLING LAUGHTER) ...detective in all mousedom!
Ratigan, so help me,
I`ll see you behind bars yet!
You fool! Isn`t it clear to you?
The superior mind has triumphed.
I`ve won!
-(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) -(CHUCKLING HEARTILY)
Oh, I love it! I love it!
(CACKLING)
Oh, I love it! I love it!
(GASPING)
You don`t know what a delightful dilemma it was
trying to decide on the most appropriate method for your demise.
I had so many ingenious ideas,
I didn`t know which to choose.
So, I decided to use them all.
Marvelous, isn`t it?
(LAUGHS) But here, let me show you how it works.
Picture this.
First, a sprightly tune I`ve recorded especially for you.
As the song plays, the cord tightens,
and when the song ends, the metal ball is released,
rolling along its merry way until...
Snap!
Boom.
Twang.
Thunk.
Splat! And, so ends the short,
undistinguished career of Basil of Baker Street.
-You`re despicable! -(SNICKERS) Yes.
(LAUGHING)
-Everything`s ready? -All set, boss.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, this is wicked!
So delightfully wicked.
Mr. Flaversham,
let me congratulate you on a superb piece of craftsmanship.
See what you can do with the proper motivation? (cackles)
-You all know the plan. -(all) Right, professor.
(MEOWS)
It was my fond hope to stay and witness your final scene,
but you were 1 5 minutes late,
and I do have an important engagement at Buckingham Palace.
Now, you will remember to smile for the camera, won`t you?
Hmm?
Say, ``cheese``. (SNICKERS)
-You fiend! -Sorry, chubby.
You should`ve chosen your friends more carefully.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
RATIGAN: Goodbye so soon
And isn`t this a crime
we know by now that time...
Adieu, auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, farewell.
(MOCKINGLY) Bye, bye, Basil.
with time so short I`ll say so long
And go so soon
Goodbye
You followed me I followed you
we were like each other`s shadows for a while
Now as you see this game is through
so although it hurts
Wh... What did he mean, an engagement at Buckingham Palace?
(SIGHS) Haven`t you figured it out yet, doctor?
The queen`s in danger, and the Empire`s doomed.
The queen?
(RULE BRITANNIA PLAYS)
(HUMMING)
(THUMPING)
(WHISPERING) Psst. Over here. Come on. Over here.
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
-(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Hmm.
-Come in. -Begging Your Majesty`s pardon.
A present has arrived in honor of yourjubilee.
A present? Oh, how wonderful!
(SIGHS) I just adore jubilees.
Here you are, sweetheart.
Have you been with us long?
``To our beloved queen, this gift we send
``as her 60 year reign
``comes to an end``?
How extraordinary!
(RATTLING, POPPING)
(CLICKING)
Goodness gracious!
Amazing likeness, isn`t it, Your Majesty?
Professor Ratigan!
Guards! Seize this despicable creature!
(SNICKERING)
-Guards, seize this... -(robotic voice) Despicable creature!
-Oh, how dare you! -Take her away.
-(bell rings) -Let go of me, you ruffians!
-(Fidget) Move along, honey! -(queen) You fiends!
Traitors!
so although it hurts
-I`ll try to smile as I say -(struggling, grunting)
Goodbye so soon
And isn`t this...
-Basil? -(GROANS)
-Basil! -Oh, how could I have been so blind?
We all make mistakes. We can`t let that stop us.
We have to...
Ratigan`s proved he`s more clever than I.
He would never have walked into such an obvious trap.
Oh, pull yourself together! You can stop that villain! Why...
-Why... -(RECORD SKIPPING)
so long... so long... so long
Basil! The record!
Oh, it`s finally happened. I`ve been outwitted.
-Basil, please! -Beaten! Duped!
Made a fool of! Oh, ridiculed!
-Belittled! -That`s enough!
Dash it all, Basil! The queen`s in danger. Olivia`s counting on us.
We`re about to be splattered, and all you can do is feel sorry for yourself.
Well, I know you can save us.
But if you`ve given up, then set it off now and be done with it.
we know by now that time knows how to fly
Set it off now.
(CHUCKLES) Yes. We...
-We`ll set the trap off now! -Basil! Wait!
I didn`t mean that we ought... (GASPS)
-(SONG ENDS, GRINDING) -(GASPS)
Angle of the trajectory,
multiplied by the square root of an isosceles triangle,
(MUMBLING)
dividing Guttermeg`s principle of opposing forces in motion,
and adjusting for the difference in equilibrium...
Dawson, at the exact moment I tell you,
we must release the triggering mechanism.
-What? -Get ready, Dawson.
-Steady. -(STRAINING)
-Now! -(SCREAMS)
Thank you, Dawson.
-Smile everyone! -(CAMERA FLASHES)
(DRUMROLL)
(APPLAUSE)
(ROBOTIC VOICE OF QUEEN) On this most august occasion,
we are gathered here not only to commemorate
my 60 years as queen, but to honor one...
FLAVERSHAM: Of truly noble stature.
``I present to you a statesman among mice.
``A gifted leader...``
A crusader forjustice...
-Over here, fatty. You`re a ton, toots. -(muffled shouts)
Here kitty, kitty. Time for mouse chow.
A majestic mountain of humility,
and my new royal consort,
Professor Ratigan.
(ALL GASP)
-(WHISTLES) -(TOBY BARKING)
BASIL: Toby!
-(PANTING) -(GIGGLES)
The game`s afoot, Toby. Our queen is in mortal danger.
(GROWLING)
-To Buckingham Palace! -(BARKING)
Thank you, Your Majesty.
And now, as your new royal consort,
I have a few slight suggestions.
(CLEARING THROAT) Item one...
(GRUNTING)
-(STRAINING) -Stop it!
-(BARKING) -(NEIGHING)
(SNICKERING)
(BARKING)
FIDGET: Open wide.
(CHUCKLING) Bye-bye.
(SCREAMS)
Down, kitty! Down!
(BARKING, GROWLING)
-(SCREECHES) -(BARKING)
Item 96... (SNICKERS SOFTLY)
``A heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and sponges,
``such as the elderly, the infirm,
``and especially little children.``
That`s ridiculous. You`re insane.
Perhaps I haven`t made myself clear.
I have the power!
-Of course you do. -I am supreme.
-Only you. -This is my kingdom!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(CLEARS THROAT)
That is, of course, with Your Highness` permission.
Most assuredly,
-you insidious fiend. -What?
-You`re not my royal consort. -What a sense of humor.
-You`re a cheap fraud and impostor. -Flaversham!
A corrupt, vicious, demented, low-life scoundrel.
There`s no evil scheme you wouldn`t concoct.
No depravity you wouldn`t commit.
You, professor,
are none other than a foul, stenchus rodentus,
commonly known as a...
-Don`t say it! -Sewer rat!
(SCREAMS)
Arrest that fiend!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(STRAINING, GRUNTING)
-(SCREECHING) -(BARKING)
(SNICKERS)
-(SCREECHING) -(DOGS BARKING)
(WHISTLES) The girl! The girl!
Stay where you are, or the girl dies!
Hurry, Dawson!
There he goes!
Dawson! Flaversham! Gather up those balloons.
-(THUNDERING) -(PANTING)
Just wait! Basil`s smarter than you!
He`s going to put you in jail.
He`s not afraid of a big old, ugly rat like you.
Would you kindly sit down and shut up!
Let her go, chaps!
(GASPING, COUGHING)
We have to lighten the load.
Oh, you want to lighten the load?
-Excellent idea. -(snickering) No!
No! Not me! I can`t fly! I can`t fly!
(FIDGET SPLASHES)
Steady!
-(SCREAMS) -(CHUCKLES)
(YELLS)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(THUNDERING)
(CREAKING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
(GEARS CLANKING)
(MUFFLED GROANING)
Basil, look out!
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)
(FABRIC RIPPING)
(SCREAMING)
(THUNDERING)
(SNARLING)
Closer, Dawson!
Closer!
(OLIVIA) Daddy, I can`t reach! I can`t reach!
Basil! Over here!
(SHOUTS)
There`s no escape this time, Basil!
-(THUNDERING) -(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(GROWLING)
-(BELL TOLLING) -(THUNDERING)
(INHALING DEEPLY)
(GRUNTS)
I`ve won!
-(LAUGHING) -(THUNDERING)
BASIL: On the contrary!
The game`s not over yet!
(BELL TINKLING)
(BELL TOLLING)
-(SCREAMING) -Oh!
-(SCREAMING) -(BELL TOLLING)
(SOBBING)
(SQUEAKING)
-DAWSON: (LAUGHING) Hooray! -Hooray! It`s Basil!
-Good fellow! -Jolly good!
DAWSON: To be thanked by the queen herself.
Oh, how very thrilling.
-Hey, Basil? -All in a day`s work, doctor.
Oh, Dr. Dawson, you were wonderful.
(CHUCKLES)
Indeed.
Oh, my, we`re late to catch our train.
-Come along, Olivia. -Yes, Father.
Goodbye, Basil. (SNIFFLES) I... I`ll never forget you.
Nor I you, Miss... Miss Flangerhanger.
(CHUCKLING) Whatever.
-Goodbye, Dr. Dawson. -Goodbye, my dear.
(WHISPERS) Goodbye.
Well, um...
-not a bad little girl, actually. -Not at all.
(SIGHS)
Well, it`s time I was on my way, too.
But...
-But I thought... -Well, the case is over.
Perhaps it`s...
Well, perhaps it`s best I found my own living quarters.
But... Now who can that be?
Is this the home of the famous Basil of Baker Street?
Indeed it is, miss.
-You look as if you`re in some trouble. -(SOBBING)
Oh, I am! I am!
Then, you`ve come to precisely the right place.
Allow me to introduce my trusted associate, Dr. Dawson,
with whom I do all my cases. Isn`t that right, doctor?
Wha... What? Yes, yes! By all means.
(CHUCKLES) Mmm.
As you can see,
this young lady has just arrived from the Hampstead District,
and is troubled about the disappearance
of an emerald ring, missing from the third finger of her right hand.
Now, tell me your story, and pray, be precise.
(DAWSON) From that time on, Basil and l were a close team
and over the years, we had many cases together.
But I shall always look back on that first with the most fondness.
My introduction to Basii of Baker Street,
the great mouse detective.